a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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