I can tuck mytits in my pants
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
