An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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