Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
