Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
