Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Your tits are I can't wait for
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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