Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
They took my balls.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
