I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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