I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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