my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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