His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
