Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
