my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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