Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
