I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
