I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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