five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
