Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
