If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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