You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
