My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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