How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
