Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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