dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
