oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
