Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
