I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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