Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you had me at cake vodka
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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