Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
