Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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