He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
