I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
