I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
