so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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