trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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