Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
