am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
