my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
