at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
