Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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