You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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