Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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