my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
