it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
