Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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