Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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