holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
