Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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