look no pants
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
