Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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