I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
