Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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