Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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