i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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