Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
