Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
