How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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