just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
