I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
