how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
