I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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