I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're a waste of cheezeits
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
