new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
