My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
